Tuesday, October 13, 2009



Santa: Tere result da ki banya?
Pappu: Miss kendi aey es class wich ik saal hor laggay ga?
Santa: Saal pavain 2,3 lag jawan par fail na hovin mera puttar.

Three friends after exam.
Lucky: Yaar mujhey kuch nahi aata tha main paper khali chor aya hon.
Banta: Main bhi!
Santa: Shit yaar, teacher samjhe gi hum ne cheating ki hay.

Jeeto: Sharm ani chahiye, tumhare Preeto se sambhand hai.
Santa: Sorry, par tumhe kaise pata chala?
Jeeto: Kal Banta aya tha usne tumhara Underwear pahena hua tha.

Banta: When I get mad at u, u never fight back. How do u control ur anger?
Preeto: I clean the toilet.
Banta: How does that help?
Preeto: I use ur toothbrush.

Jeeto: U know, husband & wife aren't allowed to be
together in heaven!
Santa: Yes, I do.That's why it's called heaven!

Santa had a dream in which someone murdered him.
Next day he closed his bank account. Know why?
Because the bank's slogan was: We make your dreams come true...

Banta: Wife agar husband ko naukar samjhe to husband
ko kya karna chahiye?
Santa: Zyada kuch nahi, do char ghar aur pakad lene chahiye.

Santa opened A College. Guess the Name of College?
The Name of the the College was: WOMEN`S COLLEGE FOR BOYS

Pappu: Dad, what is an idiot?
Santa: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his
ideas in such a strange and long way that another person
who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you
understand me?
Pappu: No.

Santa aadhi raat ko apni moti bibi se bola k sisak
sisak ke marna theek hai ya ek dum.
Jeeto: Ek dum.
Santa: To apni dusri tang bhi mujh per rakh do.

Santa aur Jeeto mein larai ho gayi, Santa ghar se chala gaya.
Santa raat ko phone pay: Khanay mein kia hai?
Jeeto: Zehar.
Husb: Main dair se aaonga, tum kha kar so jana.

Santa found the answer to the most difficult question
ever: What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.

Santa standing on the scale, holding his stomach in.
Jeeto: I don't think that is going to help.
Santa: Sure it does. How else could I see the numbers?

Two goldfish in a bowl talking: Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God?
Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water?

Angry Santa to his son: Have you ever seen an owl?
Pappu: (Luking down) No...
Santa: Don't look down. Look at me.

Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking,
cleaning home and washing clothes.
Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.

2 Hijade ek shaadi ki badhai dene gaye.
Haye haye main to 1100 lungi.
Dusri Boli main to 2100 lungi.
Peeche se Santa bola Abey 2310 le lo usme FM bhi hai!!!

Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."

Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.

Santa: My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog!
Banta: Oh! That's terrible.
Santa: Yes, it was sad to watch the dog die in convulsions."

Jeeto: U tell a man something, it goes in one ear &
comes out of the other.
Santa: U tell a woman something, it goes in both ears
& comes out of the mouth.

Santa and Jeeto were on an African Safari when a
lion sprang out of nowhere & draged Jeeto with his jaws.
Jeeto: Shoot him, Shoot him!
Santa: I can't. I ran out of film.

What's Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi.

Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.
Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala

Q: Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window?
A: He wanted to see butterfly!

Nurse: Congrats Santa ji, aap papa ban gaye.
Santa: Meri wife ko nahi bolna mein use surprise dunga!

Jeeto: I didn't know you smoked. When did you start?
Preeto: That night my husband came home early and found
a cigarette butt in the ashtray.

Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons.
1day a pigeon reaches Banta without message.
Angry Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Oye, this was a missed call.

Santa saw a beautiful gal... he went and smooched her.
Gal - What are you doing?
Santa: Law, 4th semester from Punjab University.

Santa suffering from constipation, sitting on toilet
seat: Ooonh, oooonh, oohh.... nee aaja marjaniye main
tenu khan ta ni laga.

Banta: J tu dasde ki is bag vich ki hai tan sare ande tere,
j tu dasde kine ne tan 8 de 8 tere, te j tu dasde ki kidhe
ne tan oh murgi v teri.

Santa: Koi hint?
Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman

Banta was driving down the highway past a sign that said,
"Clean Toilets 8 Kms."
By the time he drove eight kms he had cleaned 14 toilets.

Banta: What's the difference between an oral thermometer
and a rectal thermometer?
Santa: The taste.

Jeeto: Why do Farts stink?
Santa: So that Deaf people can enjoy them too!

Santa: I'm a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Banta: What's he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying, they are studying him!

At a football match ground. Santa: Ye log ball nu
foot kyun maar rahe ne?
Boy: Goal karan lai.
Santa: Paar ball tan pehlan hi gol hai hor kinni
gol karangey.

Jeeto: Kal raat tum mujhe neend mein tumne mujhe gaaliyan di
Santa: Tumhari galat fahami hai.
Jeeto: Kaisi galatfahami?
Santa: Yehi ki mein soya tha.

Gal to Banta: Kya shaadi k baad bi tum muje itna pyar karoge?
Banta: Kyon nahin? Mein to diwana hoon shadi-shuda aurton ka.

While walking in the highlands Santa fell down a deep hole.
Banta: R u ok?
Santa: Yeah!
Banta: Did u break anything?
Santa: No, there's nothing down here

Santa goes to buy a underwear. On choosing one he
asks: How much for this?
Shopkeeper: Rs 500
Santa: Arey bhai daily wear dikhaao, Party wear
nahin chahiye.

Banta: Oye, tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?
Santa: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.

Santa sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Couple of
seconds later he received a report on his phone and
he started to dance. The report said: 'Delivered'

Gurdas Maan: Santa ji, aapke bhai ki shaadi mein
kitne gaane gaane hain, us hisab se rate lagega?
Santa: 2-3 gaa kar prg shuru kar dena, baad mein
sharabi baraat ne generator ki awaaz par hi naachte rehna hai

Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day.
Banta asked: What are you doing?
Santa: Drying sweat

Preeto 2 maid: Oh Kanta, I hv reason 2 suspect that
Banta is having an affair with his secretary.
Kanta: I don't believe it! U r just trying 2 make me jealous.

Once Professor Santa asked a plumber to come to his
college. You know why?
Because he wanted to check from where the question
paper is leaking.
Banta: Why is the Police nicknamed "The heart of the country"?
Santa: It beats, beats, beats....

Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once
entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.

Petrol ke rate badhne par Santa bola: "Menu koi farak
nahin penda. Pehle bhi 100 ka bharwata tha ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hoon."

Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.
Pappu: Life imprisonment!

Santa was drawing money from ATM. Banta, who was just
behind him in the line said: I've seen ur password. It's ****.
Sant: U r wrong. It's 1394.

Santa walks into a library & says, "Can I have a burger and
coke?" Librarian, "I'm sorry, this is a library." Santa
whispers, "Can I have a burger & fries?"

Q: Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jeeto to Pizza
Hut? A: Because they advertised: 'Free Delivery'

Santa: Why Americans stop printing stamps with photo of
Pamela Anderson?
Banta: Coz people started licking the wrong side of it for
pasting them on the envelopes.

Banta ek sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan
karti hai, koi upay batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?

Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?

Dress code 4 a party - BLACK TIES ONLY.
Banta goes for the party & is surprised to see that the
other guests are wearing SUITS also!
Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.

Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for
office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave.

A lady asked Santa: LIPTON di chah hai?
Santa replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai ta lipat ja...

Q: Why Santa is standing below the Tube light with an open mouth.
A: Because Doctor has advised him: 'Aaj Light Khana hai!'

Q: How do you recognize Santa's son, Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher
erases the board.

Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: U'll die bcoz haven't u heard train is coming on platform?

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