Tuesday, October 13, 2009

SANTABANTA : 3

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Teacher: Aasmaan mein udne wali chiz Ande deti hai, Aur
zameen pe rahne wali Bachche deti hai. Kaun c chiz aisse
hai jo Aasmaan me udti hai par Bache Zameen par deti hai?
Santa: Airhostess !








Teacher: Light Kitho Aandi Hai?
Pappu: Mere Nankeya De Gharon.
Teacher: Kinwe?
Pppu: Jado Light Jandi Hai Papa Kehndy ne `Saleya ne Pher
cut ti.






Santa: What's the name of ur car?
Banta: I don't know but it starts with "T"
Santa: Kamal hai yaar teri gaddi tea nal start
hundi hai, apni te Petrol nal start hundi hai.






Jeeto: Doctor ne mujhe ek mahine ka aaram aur kisi
Hill station par jaane ko kaha hai, hum kaha jayenge?
Santa: Kisi Dusrey Doctor ke paas!!!








Samundar de kande baithe han, Kadi tan lehar aaogi,
Kismat badle na badle, CHAPPAL TAN DHOTI JAUGI, So always think
positive.




Santa's father gave him a gun on wedding night & s
aid: Fire in air if ur wife is virgin, shoot her if not.
Santa fired in air 1st night & shot her 2nd night.






Santa went to international cooking contest.
when judges came to him, he was moving spoon in empty kadhai.
Judge asked: Kya bana rahe ho?
Santa:bhudhu..






Boss: I'm giving u driver's job. Starting salary Rs. 3000,
is it OK ?
Santa: U R great sir! Starting salary is Ok but how much is
DRIVING salary?






Santa apni khoobsurat Bibi k saath car mein baitha.
Driver ne sheesha set kiya. Santa gusse mein bola,
meri bibi ko dekhkta hai, piche baith, car mein
chalaoonga!






Santa: tainu Sunny Deol da phone no pata hai...?
Banta: Nahin, kyon ki hoya?
Santa: Yaaar asi Nalka patauna si.






Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio
says This is all India Radio!






Banta: U looked troubled, what's ur prob?
Santa: I'm going to b a father
Banta: But, that's wonderful
Santa: What's wonderful! My wife doesn't know about it yet






O yaar hun meri kudi jawaan ho gayi hai, ki karan?
Banta: Karna ki hai, ohnu border te bhej de,
saanu jawaanan di badi lor hai






Sadhu: Bachcha teri biwi ko chuddail chimar gayee
hai. Upaaye karvaao.
Banta: Upaaye? Baba, agar do behenein gale mil rahi
hain to is mein harz hi kya hai ?






Jeeto: Kyon ji, tussi gaddi di speed kyon vadha ditti?
Santa: Break fail ho gayi hai, accident hon to pehle
hi ghar pahounch jaaiye.






Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That's Tipu's skeleton when he was child








Banta: Y did u buy ur wife a huge diamond ring
for her B'day? I thought she wanted a car.
Santa: She did, but where in the world was I going to
find a fake car?






Napoleon: There is no such word as 'Impossible' in my dictionary.
Santa: Taan dictionary vekh ke kharidni si ...!




Banta: Meri biwi mujhe chod ke chali gayi.
Santa: Tu uska khyal nahi rakhta hoga.
Banta: Arre yaar, Sagi behan ki tarah rakhta tha.






Santa drinking heavily in bar gets up n farts loudly.
Man next 2 him: Excuse me, but u just farted before my wife.
Santa: Sorry, I didn't know it was her turn






Santa: Qutub Minar kahan hai?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se nikla karo.
Pappu: Ram Lal kaun hai?
Santa: Pata nahi.
Pappu: Kabhi Ghar me bhi raha karo.






Heights of Friendship: Santa commiting suicide,
someone asked the reason. He said: My wife ran with
my friend and I can't live without my friend.






Santa proposing a girl: Darling kya tum mujse shadi karogi?
Girl: Tameez se baat karo.
Santa: Behan ji, kya aap mujhse shaadi karoge?








Inspector to Santa: Faansi se pehle, bata teri aakhri
ichha kya hai?Santa: Mere pair upar aur sier neeche
kar k faansi de do!






Banta: Saadi teacher kehndi hai ke MAJJ da taja dudh
peen nal dimag wadhda hai.
Santa: Oye je ajehi gall hundi taan apna katta ajj
IAS officer lageya hunda!








Santa: I tried ur number so many times, it always said 'Switched Off'!"
Banta: Nooo, it's my HELLO TUNE!






Beggar: Oh sundari, andha hoon, paanch rupya de de.
Santa to his wife: De de, De de, tujhe sundari bola
hai to har haal main ye andha hai.






Santa falls in luv with a nurse... After much thinking,
he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."
Nurse came out with the newborn kid, Santa rushed 2
her & after seeing the kid he shouted, PUTTAR hua
PUTTAR. She slapped him: Leave my finger, u fool,
It's a gal






Jeeto: If I die what'll you do?
Santa: I may also die.
Jeeto: Why?
Santa: Some time too much of happiness can also kill a man.






Santa went out to buy an Indian flag. The shop owner
gave him the flag. Guess what did he ask next...
Ismein aur colour dikhayiye.






Santa Banta zid kar rahe c monkey dekhan di...
so tuhade ghar da address dita hai. Yaar 2-4 tapusian
maar ke dikha deo bichare khush ho jaan ge.






Santa: What's difference between man & Superman?
Pappu: Man wears underwear under the trouser &
superman wears it over the trouser.






Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?






Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?
Santa: Birla cement.
Banta: Kyun?
Santa: Kyunki is Cement mein jaan hai.






Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum
4 dost... 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.

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