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A crow shits on a Banta. Preeto gives tissue paper to him.
Banta: Koi phayda nahin, kauwa toh ud gaya!
Banta: Jab main paida hua tha to military walon ne 21 topein
chalayeen thi. Santa: Kamaal hai ! Sab ka nishana chook gaya ?
Santa meets his old friend.
Santa: A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B.
Friend: Oye, iska matlab?
Santa: Kuch nahin yaar, I mean long time no C.
Santa: Drinking n driving dono nalo naal nai ho sakde.
Santa: Je speed breaker aa gaya taa peg dul jau.
Santa bar vich ro reha si. Bartender: Kyon ro rahe ho?
Santa: Hor ki karan? Main jis kudi da naa bhulna chahunda
si usda naam yaad hi nahin aa reha.
Phone ki ring baji.
Santa: Phone mere liye ho to kehna mein ghar pe nahin hoon.
Jeeto phone pe: Wo ghar pe hain.
Santa: Maine mana kiya tha...
Jeeto: Phone mere liye tha!
Santa to a doc: Apne nurse bahut achchi rakhi hai, uska haath
lagtey hi mein theek ho gaya.
Doc: Jaanta hoon, thappad ki awaaz mujhe bhi sunai di thi.
Santa was writing the passive voice of 'I made a mistake.'
He wrote: I was made by a mistake.
Santa 2 his son:I think it's right time we should talk about sex!
Pappu: Sure dad, what do u wanna know...?
Jeeto: Kal raat tum mujhe neend mein tumne mujhe gaaliyan di
Santa: Tumhari galat fahami hai.
Jeeto: Kaisi galatfahami?
Santa: Yehi ki mein soya tha.
Gal to Banta: Kya shaadi k baad bi tum muje itna pyar karoge?
Banta: Kyon nahin? Mein to diwana hoon shadi-shuda aurton ka.
While walking in the highlands Santa fell down a deep hole.
Banta: R u ok?
Banta: Did u break anything?
Santa: No, there's nothing down here
Santa goes to buy a underwear. On choosing one he asks: How much
Shopkeeper: Rs 500
Santa: Arey bhai daily wear dikhaao, Party wear nahin chahiye.
Banta: Oye, tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?
Santa: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.
Santa sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Couple of seconds later
he received a report on his phone and he started to dance.
The report said: 'Delivered'
Gurdas Maan: Santa ji, aapke bhai ki shaadi mein kitne gaane
gaane hain, us hisab se rate lagega?
Santa: 2-3 gaa kar prgm shuru kar dena, baad mein sharabi baraat
ne generator ki awaaz par hi naachte rehna hai
Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day.
Banta asked: What are you doing?
Santa: Drying sweat
Santa was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman
with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing
and he answered: Waiting for autumn.
Santa went to see a gal for marriage. Their families decided to
leave them for some talk. After some time, Santa asks: Behenji,
tusin kinne behen-bhai ho?
Girl: Vaise taan 3 si, par hun 4 ho gaye.
Banta k ghar ladka hua, par wo phir bhi dukhi tha?? Kyon?
Itne saalo baad, itni manato k baad ladka hua wo bhi chhota sa...!
Teacher: Aisi kisi jagah ka naam batao jise banaya to aadmi
ne hai par fir bhi wo wahan par ja nahi sakta? Papu: LADIES TOILET!
Banta was driving his car in a zigzag fashion on d road. Traffic
inspector stopped him.
Banta: I'm learning car driving.
Inspector: Without d instructor?
Banta: Correspondence Course!
Jeeto: Ek baat batani hai, par plz muje marna nahi.
Jeeto: Mein Pregnant hu!
Santa: It's a gud News.
Jeeto: Shadi k pahle pitaji ko bataya to bahut maar padi thi.
Banta: What's the similarity between Marriage and 11:59pm?
Santa: Dono k baad 12-bajte hain aur din badal jate hain.
Teacher: Asman me udne wali chiz ande deti hai, jamin pe rahne
wali bache deti hai. Kaun hai jo Asman me udti hai par bachche
jamin par deti he?
Santa: Dr. saab, I'm suffering from loose motion.
Doc: Kinni ku patli aundi hai?
Santa: Dr. saab, samaj lao ke tusi us naal Grare kar sakde ho !
Banta: Life ko kaun zyada achhaa bana sakti hai, Girlfriend ya Wife?
Santa: WIFE. Bas, honi kisi aur ki chahiye!
Santa ne PCO pe jate hi PCO wale ko 2 thappad laga diye.
Because PCO ke bahar likha tha, dial karne se pahle 2 lagaye...
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Pappu! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "Cartoon Network, Ten Sports,
Discovery Channel and Pogo!"
Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the
name from NASA to SATYANASA
Ek baar Santa Gangubai ke ghar jaata hai aur darwaza knock karta hai.
Gangubai: Kaun ?
Santa: Main !
Gangubai: Main kaun?
Santa: Tu Gangubai
Santa apni gal friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I'm falling in love.
Santa ne apne nawen jamme bachche nu pakdeya per usne Santa te
Santa to nurse: Bibi eh piece leak karda hai badal k le aa..!
Santa: Bhagwane suit bada sohna paya hai.
Jeeto: Thank u G
Santa: Lipstick badi sohni laayi aa.
Jeeto: Thank u G.
Santa: Shingaar v sohna kitaa aa.
Jeeto: Thank u G
Santa: Par sohni pher v nahi lagdi...
Girl: Will u marry me?
Santa: No, humare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi hoti
hai. Mummy ne Papa se, Didi ne Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se
Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne ki kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye
In a train compartment husband: Darling, mujhe to tumhari
aatma se pyar hai, tumhare jism ki mujhe koi chah nahin.
Main tumhari rooh ko chahta hoon, tumhara shareer to mein
kutton ko daal doon.
Banta sitting on upper berth says: BOW BOW
Santa & Banta were going with their friend on one scooter
& a traffic cop tried to stop them.
Santa said: Sorry bhaji, already 3 baithe hain bilkul
bhi jagah nahin hai
Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For u n ur parents
Santa bada dukhi tha, kisi ne pucha itni tension me kyon ho?
Santa: Ek dost ko 3 lac plastic surgery k liye diye the,
ab use pehchan nahin pa raha
Santa: How's Ur Sex Life?
Bangta: As ususal great, Monday to Friday.
Santa: What about the weekends?
Banta: Weekends? Oh! that time I'm at home, relaxing with my wife.
Teacher askd Santa: What is d meaning of TAMSO MAA JYOTIR
Santa: Tu so ja maa, main Jyoti de ghar ho k aya.
Banta to his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Banta: So what, take an umbrella and go.
Postman: I have to come 5 miles to deliver u this packet.
Santa: Why did u come so far. Instead U could have posted it.
Why did Santa sleep with a scale?
Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept.
Driver: Sir ji, petrol khatam ho gaya, gaadi aage nahi
Banta:-Chalo Phir, wapis le chalo. Driver: Sir ji, petrol
khatam ho gaya, gaadi aage nahi ja sakti.
Banta:-Chalo Phir, wapis le chalo.
What a rip-off! Santa picked up a book called 37 Mating
Positions. He goes home, opens it... and it turns out to be a
book on chess!
Santa: Wo dekh teri biwi ko saanp kaat raha hai.
Banta: Are tension mat le, Jeher bharwane aya hoga...
Dr: Yeh urine sample nahi, Apple juice hai!
Santa's wife: Ek phone kar loon? !
Dr: Why? !
Wife: Santaji ko batana hai k urine bottle unke tiffin
me chali gayi.
Banta: Y do u take ur wife only to night clubs?
Santa: By the time she gets ready no other place is open
Museum Administrator: That's a 500 year old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade kar auraton
ko kyon ghoorte ho?
Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne
ka samay 9am-11am
A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khediye.
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoe paa ke hune aaya.
Banta: I've discovered the origin of the word Good-Bye
Santa: Oh, yeah? What's it? Banta: Many years ago, some
husband said to his wife, 'I'm leaving u!' & the wife
said: Good! Bye!
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O
God! I hv lst my hand, oh!
Santa: Control urself. Don't cry. See that man.
He has lost his head. Is he crying?
In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night.
He got irritated... drank poison & said, Ab kaato,
Captain of Military: Naujawanon aage bado
Santa aage nahin bada
Captain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade?
Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein 10ve number pe tha
Banta: Yaar teri wife di maut da bara afsos hoya,
vaise hoya ki si?
Sant: Goli lagi si mathe vich.
Banta: Waheguru ji da shukar kar ke akh bach gayi.
Santa & Banta were looking at Egyptian mummy.
Santa: Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Banta: Aaho, lorry number is also written... BC 1760 !!!.
Banta: What do you call a wife who is beautiful,
intelligent, understanding, caring, never jealous and a
Santa: Niri Afwah !!
Santa to wife: Did u hav any boy friend before marriage?
Wife remain silent.
Santa: Main is khamoshi ko kya samjhu?
Wife: Bewakoof ginan tan de.
Santa Radio lekar POTTY karne gaya.
Banta: Aaj toh mazey se ki hogi ?
Santa: Khaak mazey se ki, radio par Jan-Gan-Man aa
gaya, khade-khade karni padi.
Santa eats 8 Butter Naan at a party and is suffering
Praying & crying in Toilet: Hey Wahe Guru...Ya toh
JAAN nikal de, ya NAAN nikal de.
Santa went to a museum where he broke a statue.
Officer: U have broken a 5000 years old statue.
Santa: Thank God, mainu lagga nava si..
Santa gets a Cheque & throws it on the ground.
Can you Guess why?
To see whether it'll BOUNCE or not!
Santa: Mein Shimla ja raha hoon, jate hue raaste
mein biwi ko khai mein dhaka de doonga.
Banta: Yaar meri bi le ja, use bhi dhaka de dena.
Santa: Theek hai, agar tu bura na maane use vaapsi pe
dhaka de doon?
Banta was traveling in an auto rickshaw with his wife.
The driver adjusted the mirror.
Banta shouted: U r trying to see my wife, sit back, I'll drive!
Santa looked in the mirror & said: Seems I've seen him sumwhere.
Then he says: Oh yes! He's the same bastard who was standing
next to my wife in my wedding album.
Interviewer: What is skeleton?
Santa: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot
to stop it..!!!
Jailor: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phansi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Jailor: Kyon has rahe ho?
Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hoon!
Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work.
Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.
Two hours later Santa sms 2 boss: Me ok, ur wife very
Santa ki chatri me hole tha, kisine pucha, umbrella
mein hole kyu?
Sardar bola: Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega.
Teacher: Translate - Bazaar mein goliyan chal rahi hain.
Santa: The Tablets are walking in the market.
Santa's girfriend: Meri maa aapko bahut pasand karti hai.
Santa, after a deep thought: Kuchh bhi ho jaye, shaadi to
main tujhse hi karunga!
Shopkeeper: This sweater's made of pure virgin wool sir.
Santa: You see I am not interested in the morals of the
sheep. Just tell me, will it keep me warm?
Santa: Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18yrs & marriage
Banta: Govt. ko pata hai ki desh sambhalna aasan hai,
lekin biwi ko nahi.
Santa kaafi time baad pind geya, Pind di Jameen to Mitti
fad k te sung k bolea: Pind di Mitti di khushbu hi vakhri hundi aa.
Banta: Kanjra dhyan nal vekh Eh suki hui Shit aa...
Banta: Pareshan lag rahe ho.
Santa: Yaar baap ban ne wala hu.
Banta: Yeh to khushi ki baat hai.
Santa: Lekin biwi ko nahi pata.
Banta joins army, given AK 47. He's puzzled & asks Major:
Sir, yeh bandook ki nali samne rakhun ya ulta?
Major: Kisi bhi taraf rakho, faida desh ka hi hoga.
Gal: I think the poorest people are the haapiest.
Banta: Then marry me and we'll be the happiest.
What's an adult joke?
Santa: Any joke which is eighteen years old.
If u call ur mother as MUM what'll u call mother's
younger sis & elder sis?
Santa: Minimum and Maximum
Santa: Main ek eho jehi cheej labhi aa jeehday nal
deewar de aar par dekhya ja sakda hai.
Banta: Balle! Ki cheej hai?
Santa: What is the similarity between Bill Gates n Me?
Banta: Don't know.
Santa: Well... He never comes to my house & I never go 2 his!
Santa & Banta are walking down the road when Banta says:
Look at that dog with one eye!
Santa covers one of his eyes and says: Where?
Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?
Santa: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.
Jeeto to Santa: Stop looking at girls, u r married now.
Santa: U mean if I am on diet, I can't look at the menu also?
Santa to Banta: Name 5 animals living in the water?
Banta: 1 Frog.
Santa: Theek hai hor das?
Banta: Frog da praah, bhen, piyo te maa.
Jeeto yelled at Santa: U're gonna b really sorry! I'm going to LEAVE you!
Santa: Make up ur mind! Which one is it gonna be?
Santa to Pappu: Where's Sukhna Lake?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se bhi nikla karo.
Pappu: Who's Banta?
Santa: Pata nai.
Pappu: Kabhi ghar me bhi raha karo.
An Englishman and Santa inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Santa: Gud evening, we open the zip and do.
Pappu was writing his father's name on a 1000 Watt bulb.
Santa asked him: What are you doing?
Pappu: Aapka naam roshan kar raha hoon.
Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka
ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.
Santa waitin at bus stop in UK along with 3 women.
When bus arrived, conductor picked the women & said: No more, no more
Santa: Saaleya Morniya char laiyan, meri wari no more
Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes
5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else.
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4
days, I press the bell but no one comes out
Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha,
har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.
Santa: Yaar mein apni girlfriend nu gift dena hai, ki devan?
Banta: Gold ring de de.
Santa: Koi vadi cheez das yaar.
Banta: Tan fer MRF da tyre de de.
Santa to Banta: Main apna purse ghar bhool aaya,
mainu 1000 Rs chahide si.
Banta: Dost hi dost de kam aunda hai,le 10 Rs, riksha
kar te purse le aa.
An ATM's jammed & failed when operated by Santa.
Why? B'coz he put a pin from his turban when asked:Enter ur Pin
Banta: Wo ladki deaf lagti hai. Main kuch kehta hoon,
woh kuch aur hi bolti hai.
Banta: Maine kaha I Luv U, to woh boli 'Maine kal hi Naye
Sandal kharide hain'
Santa to Jeeto: Kaisi sabzi banai hai, bilkul Gobar jaisa swad hai.
Jeeto, maatha peet te hue: Hey bhagwan! Na jane
inhone kya-kya kha ke dekha hua hai.
Daku Mangal Singh Banta ke ghar mein ghusa aur bola:
Sona kahan hai, jaldi bataao
Banta: Pura ghar khali hai malko,jithe marzi so jao!
A sweet girl goes to Banta's shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao.
Banta sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya.
Teacher: Pappu, describe digestive system of a human being.
Pappu: Very simple, it starts with right hand & ends with left hand.
Santa: Tainu tairna aanda hai?
Santa: Tere naalon ta kutte changey ne jehre tair lende ne
Banta: Tenu tairna aanda hai?
Banta: Pher tere te kutte ch ki farak hai?
Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable.
Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of
Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on Escalators.
Santa: Yaar meri aankhein dhang se nahin khulti,koi tarika batao.
Banta: Kisi din achanak apne ghar chale jaao.
Ek kabutar ne Sante te bitth kar diti. Santa: Oye teri maa
ne tainu kachha pauna ni sikhaya?
Kabutar: Saleya tu kachha pa k karda hain?
Pappu: Dad what's Sex?
Santa gets tensed but explains everything.
Pappu: But dad how do I write all that in this small
box of school admission form?
Santa: Is operation se mujhe kuchh ho gaya to isi
doctor se shadi kar Lena.
Jeeto: Aise kyo kah rahe ho?
Santa: Doctor se badla Lene ka yehi 1 rasta hai!
Interviewer: Aap kisi MAHILA mein sabse pehle kya
Santa: O ji, wo is baat par depend karta hai ki
woh aa rahi hai ya jaa rahi hai?
Nurse- Congrats: Apke jurwa bete hue hain.
Santa: Ye to hona hi tha.
Santa: Jab dekho KBC PART-2 dekhti rahti thi, Mil gaya na UMEED SE DUGNA
Santa declares: I'll never marry in my life and I'll give same
advice to my children also.
Santa apni girlfriend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jaata hai.
Girl: Yeh kya kar rahe ho? Santa: I'm falling in Luv
Santa talking on phone.
Banta: Kis se baat kar rahe ho?
Santa: Biwi se. Banta: Itne pyar se...?
Santa: Tumhari hai.
Santa: I'd like some Vitamins for my son.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C ?
Santa: Any will do as my son doesn't know the albhabets yet.
Santa's son: Mere papa bahut darpok hain.
Banta's son: How?
Santa's son: Jab bhi road cross karte hain to meri ungli
pakad lete hain aur kehte hain ki chodna mat.
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