Wednesday, October 21, 2009

                           
    
  SMS CATEGORIES


                 FUNNY
 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15
                 16 17 18 19 20
                  LOVE
               1 2 3 4 5 6
              SHAYARI
            1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
              MARRIAGE
                  1,2,3,4
                 MISS U
                      1
               GREETS
            1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
                FLIRTS
                1 2 3 4 5
         SANTABANTA
              1 2 3 4

             THOUGHTS

         FUNNY TEASING

        FRIENDSHIP  (180+)


funny
Man kills a Mad Dog 2 save Lady
Nwsppr
INDIAN SAVES LADY
Man- M nt Indian
Nwsppr:FOREIGNER SAVES LADY
Man-M Pakistani 
Nwppr:TERRORIST ATTACKS LOCAL DOG

FUNNY : 1

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Pappu: Dad, mein biwi nu sms kita ki main Raat
nu aunga, ghar aaya te kisi hor de nal suti si.
Dad: Puttar galti mobile company di aa, jede
time nal sms nahi bhejde!


Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and
what clothes we wear, but what we are inside.
So, try going out naked tomorrow 
and see the admiration!


Janwaran di party chal rahi cee Chua 4 peg la
ke set cee.
Billi: J ajj party na hundi ta mai tenu ajj kha jandi.
Chua: Ja tur ja saliye, loki kehan ge khadi
piti wich janani kut diti.


Ek Tapori ki wife: Sunte ho ji, Apne chinku ne
aaj pehla aadha shabd bola.
Tapori: Achcha, Kya bola ?
Wife: Behan..


God thought that since he couldn't b everywhere
he made a mother. Then devil thought that he
couldn't be everywhere he made a mother-in-law. 


I want you 2 know that our friendship means a
lot 2 me. U cry Ii cry.U lauf I lauf. U jump out
of the window... I look down &then... 
I lauf again


The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass
& flowers too. If rain makes all things beautiful
why doesn't it rain on you?


I've written a poem for you:
Twinkle twinkle little star,
you should know what you are,
and once you know what you are,
Mental hospital is not so far.


What's the difference between pleasure and
torture? Pleasure is thinking of you & torture
is thinking of you too much. 


Banta: How does an attorney sleep?
Santa: First he lies on one side, and then he lies
on the other. 


I hate it when people point to their wrists to ask
for the time! I mean, seriously, do I point to my
crotch when I need to go to a Restroom?


A reasent studdi haz shon dat peepal hoo aar vary
samaart end gud lukeeng maik manee spallings
meestaikes... vaat ees yorr opeeniun?



Meaning of ABCDEFG : A Boy Can Do Everything For Girls.
Reverse the letters GFEDCBA
Girls Forget Everything Done & Catch new Bakra Again


Degree of girls
B.A- Btful Angles
BE- Btful eyes
BSc- Btful structure
BCom-Btful communication
MBA- Married but Awesome


Jeevan k kathin rasto pe kaun apna sath dega?
Parents?
Nahin
Relatives?
Nahin
FRIEND...?
Nahi Nahi Yaar
Sirf aur Sirf
Apni


"CHAPPAL"

Hitler says,
"There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary"
Sardar says:
"ab bolne se kya fayda.?
jab kharidi thi tab hi check karna tha na " ;-)

Narad Muni dharti par BEER peene aaye, 12 botal peene
ke baad. 
Waiter:-Apko chadti kyun nahi.?
Narad Muni:-MAIN BHAGWAAN HOON.
Waiter:-Chad gayi saale ko.

  (\./)   / " ) "^ ----;";   \,,/"( ,     ,   )\\         //\\   /\  
ye Ghada aapka hai? agar nhi to isko aagay bhejte raho
jiska hoga wo rakh lega!


----\----
,--<>--=____/7
(_£___=------/
._I__I_,

Arey Itni Gor Se Kya Dekh Rahe Ho
Helocopter Hai Mein Ne Khareed Liya Hai
Kahi Jana Ho To Chabi Mang Lena



Girl goes 2 Dr with mom
Girl-Medical checkup krana hai
Dr-sare kapde utar k parde k piche let jao
Girl-mera nahi mummy ka
Dr oh!...mataji Jeeb bahar nikaaliye

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D most unfulfilled desire of all science students..                
A b0mb should have fallen instead of an apple on D
head of NEWTON.


Tabiyat thik nahi thi. Tantrik ko dikhaya, Tantrik
bola bhoot ka saya hai, kisi ghor paapi ko SMS
karo theek ho jaoge...
Ab accha mahsus kar raha hoon


(((''''?'''')))    <(( @) (@ ))>       (; <._.> ;)         ((,==,))
Daro mat Kabhi-kabhi MOBILE par sMs Padne
waale ki tasweer aa jaati hai..!!



A women's prayer: Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom
to understand my man; Love to forgive him and
Patience for his moods. Because 
Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death!


Dog is truly a man's best friend.
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment:
Lock your dog and your girlfriend in the boot of the
car for an hour.When you open the boot, which one
is really happy to see you?


Ek shrabi sadhu se takra gaya. Sadhu: Oh murkh,
mein tuje shrap deta hoon..
Sharabi: Ruko, me glass leke ata hoon.


How do u identify a true music lover?
A man when he hears a woman singing in the
bathroom and puts his ear to the keyhole
instead of his eye! 


Ek Church k gate pe likha tha: Jo paap kar k thak
gaye wo meri sharan me aaye. Ek callgirl ne
niche apna mob no likh diya: Jo nahi thake wo
meri sharan me aaye.


Ma: Beta ladoo Khayega?
Beta: Nahin
Mama: Chocolate?
Beta: Nahin
Mama: Khana?
Beta: Nahin
Mama: Marjana apne peo te gaya hai, sirf
jutiyan hi khayega.


Gud afternoon. Aap g de sare pariwar nu
sunday di lakh-lakh wadhahi hove. Parmatma kare
aap g de jeevan de har hafte da 
satwan din Sunday hove. Happy Sunday.


When somebody who's deeply in love with you tells
you that you're cute, beautiful, and angelic, I
agree. That's true, believe me, I swear
because love is BLIND!


It takes patience to keep a nagging wife; fortune
to keep an ambitious wife; four eyes to keep
a pretty wife.


Sometimes you might catch me staring at you.
It's not because you are cute but bcoz my mom
told me that devils have tails and 
I'm just wondering where's yours? 


Wife: I Have Changed My Mind.
Husband: Thank God ! Does The New One Work
Now?


A boy goes to a strip club. His mom gets angry &
asks him: Did u see anything there that u were
not supposed to see?
Boy: Yes, I saw dad!


Why did Saddam Hussein attack Kuwait?
He had an Arabic baby-sitter, who always used
to say 'Keep 
Quwait, Keep Quwait'.


Tension happens in brain and love is felt in heart.
Then why do people get heart attack when they
are tensed and why people
get mad when they are in love?


Only once in your life u'll get a right person
with whom u'll get married, so, till than keep
enjoying with the wrong Ones!


Gud Morning! Aap ye soch rahe honge ki Raat ko
Gud Morning kaise?
Simple! Phone mera, Paise mere, Msg mera, toh
marzi bhi meri!
Jo marzi aayega wo bhejunga.


Elephant falls in Luv with Ant, but Ant's parents
were against their marriage. Guess why?
They gave a Solid Reason: Kehnde Munde de
dand Bahar ne.


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SMS ka sangrah karke kya paayega vats...? Balance ka moh
tyag aur sms kar... Mitron se sampark banaye rakhne
se hi moksha ki prapti hogi... Swami Messageanand.


A history teacher & his wife were sitting at a table.
The wife asked.
'Anything new at work?'
He replied, 'No, I'm teaching History.'


Q: What's the diff between mother & wife?
A: One woman brings into the world crying & the other
ensures you continue to do so.


When I go wrong, I need ur hand 2 correct, wen
emotions bust out, I need ur hand 2 catch, wen I win,
I need ur hand 2 pat. In short:Ye
Haath Mujhe De De Thakur


Today is the International day of Smart & Attractive
people. Send this to someone who fits the description!
Don't send it back; I've already
received hundreds.


So Sweet is ur SMILE,
So Sweet is ur STYLE,
So Sweet is ur VOICE,
So Sweet is ur EYE,
see .......how Sweetly I Lie


Galileo used 2 study in smal lamp. Graham Bell used
2 study in candle light. Shakspeare used 2 study in
street light. Mujhe ye samajh nahi aata
ke yeh sab Din Mein Kya Karte the?


Ek conductor ki shadi ho rahi thi, jab Dulhn phero ke
waqt uske pas akar baithi to vo bola thoda pas ho k
baith, ek sawari or baith sakti hai.


How True.. .A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min, a
beer shortens your life by 4 minutes, a working day
shortens your life by 8 hours!


True bravery is 2 arrive home.....fully drunk......a late
night out.....& wife waiting with a jhadu and u ask:
Hey abhi tak safai kar rahi ho?


Well, they do say opposites attract... So I sincerely
hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest,
intelligent, and cultured. Gud Day!


Two frinds,who hadn't seen each other in several years,
met on the street.
1st: Who are u working 4 now?
2nd: Same people, My wife & 4 children.


Raamnavami aanewali hai, isiliye hum apna man kewal
Pooja, Arcahna, Sadhna, Aarti mein lagaana chahtey
hain. So... aapke pados mein in mein
se koi ho to bataao.


Mil Gaya, Oye Hoye Mil Gaya, Balle-Balle Mil Gaya,
DHINCHAK DHINCHAK Mil Gaya, Apna Sara Kaam
Chod Ke Fizool ka SMS Padnewala Ek
aur..."BEWAKUF"Mil Gaya!

FUNNY : 4

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Basanti: Bhaag Dhanno bhag, aaj teri Basanti ki izzat ka
sawal hai. Dhanno: Tujhe apni padi hai. Meri soch
jiske peeche Gabbar ke 10 ghode pade hain


Mon to Sun, From Jan To Dec, From birth till my
death, my feelings 4 u have never changed. For me,
you've always been a headache!


In chemistry class teacher asked a gal: what r Nitrates
Gal answered shyly: night rates, they r costlier than day.


Woman has man in it, Mrs has Mr in it, female has male in
it, Madam has adam in it, so girls r always incomplete
without boys.


Namashkar, yeh hamari faltoo SMS seva hai, is mein
hum logon ko waqt-bewaqt tang karte hain. Is seva ka labh
uthane ke liye shukriya, ab aap apna kaam kariye.


I have started luving 'U'... I know it sounds rediculous
but I can't control my feelings 4 'U'. Some time later I'll
start luving more ALPHABETS...!


Ramchandra kah gaye siya se, aisa kalyug aayega, sifr ek
dost SMS karega, dusara kamina bas padh ke muskurayega!


Why did Saddam Hussein attack Kuwait?
He had an Arabic baby-sitter, who always used to say
'Keep Quwait, Keep Quwait'.


Tension happens in brain and love is felt in heart. Then why
do people get heart attack when they are tensed and why
people get mad when they are in love?


Only once in your life u'll get a right person with whom
u'll get married, so, till than keep enjoying with
the wrong Ones!


Gud Morning! Aap ye soch rahe honge ki Raat ko Gud
Morning kaise? Simple! Phone mera, Paise mere,
Msg mera, toh marzi bhi meri! Jo marzi 
aayega wo bhejunga.


Elephant falls in Luv with Ant, but Ant's parents
were against their  marriage. Guess why?
They gave a Solid Reason: Kehnde Munde de dand
Bahar ne.


Pappu: Dad, mein biwi nu sms kita ki main Raat nu aunga,
ghar aaya te kisi hor de nal suti si.
Dad: Puttar galti mobile company di aa, jede time
nal sms nahi bhejde!


Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what
clothes we wear, but what we are inside. So, try going
out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!


Janwaran di party chal rahi cee Chua 4 peg la ke set cee.
Billi: J ajj party na hundi ta mai tenu ajj kha jandi.
Chua: Ja tur ja saliye, loki kehan ge khadi piti wich janani
kut diti.


Ek Tapori ki wife: Sunte ho ji, Apne chinku ne aaj pehla aadha
shabd bola.Tapori: Achcha, Kya bola ?
Wife: Behan..


Sharab Ek Bimari hai jo saare samaj ko khatam kar rahi hai.
To aao milkar is bimari ko khatam karen. Ek bottle tum khatam
karo ek bottle hum khatam karen.


Can't believe after all the shit they have been through
they're still together............Who?
Your bum cheeks!!


Tum Haste Raho, Haste Raho, Haste Raho, Haste
Raho, Muskarate Raho, Sada Khilkhilate Raho, Khush
Raho, Mera Kya hain Log Tumhe hi Paagal 
kahenge! Ha ha ha!


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Telling a Lie is a fault for a little boy, an art for a lover,
an  accomplishment for a bachelor, and a matter of
survival for a married man.


New Examination Patttern in India (Revised):
General Students: Answer All questions
OBC: Write Any One question
SC: Only read questions
ST: Thanks for coming.
Cheers to Reservation






It's wrong that Alcohol makes u fat... It doesn't! It
actually makes u LEAN... against bars, poles, walls,
friends & strangers! Cheers!


Teacher class mein apne baby ko doodh pilate hue boli:
Ale ale mela beta dudh p k doctor banega.
Santa: Mam! Thoda hame bhi pila do hum compounder
hi ban jaayenge.


Similarity between Gandhiji & Mallika?
Dono ne kapde tyag diye, ek ne desh ke liye, doosre ne
Deshwasion ke liye!


Ap ki awaz KOYAL Jaisi, Aankhain HIRAN Jaisi, 
Chaal MOR jaisi, Aadtain BANDAR Jaisi. Acha hota agar
koi ek cheez Insanon Wali Bhi Hoti


A woman had triplets, she named them Mat, Pat & Tat.
She fed Mat 
from left tit, Pat from her right tit...
Moral of the story: No Tit for Tat


Nasha aankho me hota hai Sharaab mein nahin, Sharddha
Dil me hoti hai Mandir mein nahin..... Dosti SMS karne se
badhti hai, SMS padhne 
se nahi....


Exams ke 4 din pehle syllabus dekha to yaad aaya,
Kuch To Hua Hai Kuch Ho Gaya Hai,
Exams ke din paper dekh kar yaad aaya,
Sab Kuch Alag Hai Sab Kuch Naya Hai


Lamha Lamha Waqt Guzar Jayega,
Chand Lamhon Men Exam Sar Pe Ajayega,
Abhi Bhi Waqt Hai Do Line Padh Lo,
Warna Paas Kia Munna Bhai Karwae Ga!


Teri Maa Di,
Tere Peo Di,
Teri Behan Di,
Tere Bhra Di,
Teri Bhabi Di,
Tere Pure Khandan Di,
Te Meri v Tu Jaan Hai


Mohabbat 1 bar ho jaye us ko bholapan kehtay hain, 2 bar
ho jaye us ko dewaanapan kehtay hain, 3 bar hoo jaye us
ko pagalpan kehtay hain,
agar phir bhi na rukhay to use kameenapan kehtay hai


Khuda bachaye hamein in haseenon se, naazneenon se,
dilnasheenon se,jaaasheenon se... par inhe kaun bachaye
hum kameenon se...


Jab apka SMS ata hai mera rom-rom machal jata hai, sara
badan kaamp jata hai, dil main gudgudi si hoti hai. Stupid,
yeh apka kasoor nahi, mera phone Vibrator per hota hai


A baby fish asked her mother: Y can't we live on earth?
Mother Fish: Earth is not the place for FISH, it's made
for SELFISH.


Fill in the blank with yes or NO only.
_______I M NOT A Male.
Koi jaldi nahin hai, aaram se soch kar bata dena.


Paani mein Whiskey milao ta nasha chadta hai. Paani mein
Rum milao to nasha chadta hai. Paani mein Brandy milao to
nasha chadta hai. Saala  paani mein hi kuch gadbad hai.

FUNNY : 6

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Gal: Is dress ka kya price hai?
Shopkeeper: Sirf 5 kiss.
Girl: Aur us dress ka?
Shopkeeper: 10 kiss.
Girl: Dono dress pack kar do, bill dadi dengi.


Ganguly's Son: Yeh Kya, Daddy Sixer pe Sixer maare
jaa rahe hain Hain?
Ganguly's Wife: Arey beta, yeh toh ADVERTISEMENT
Hai !


U luv sumone... u marry sumone else. The one u marry
becomes ur wife or husband & the one u loved
becomes the password
of your emai id...!


Kudi waale pandit nu: Saanu aheja munda chahida
jehra kuj khanda penda na howe.
Pandit: Aheja munda taan PGI Emergency ward ch
hi mil sakda hai.


Ravan ki 20 aankhein thi magar nazar sirf ek aurat pe;
jab ki aapki 2 aankhein aur nazar har aurat pe...!
Toh asli Ravan kaun??


Ab tak meri life ek khuli botal thi, jis mein se sab
perfume ki tarah ud jata tha. Par aap ke aane se sab
kuch ruk gaya. Bhagwan kare aap jaisa
DHAKKAN sabko miley


Baniye ki wife bimaar thi, light na hone ki wajah se usne
candle jala di aur bola: Doc ko lene jaa raha hun, agar
tumhe lage ki tum nahin bachogi
to plz candle bujha dena


A boy goes to see a cabare dance. His mom gets angry
& asks him:
Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see?
Boy: Yes, I saw dad.


Aunty, mummy ne chini mangi hai.
Aunty: Aacha aur kia kaha mummy nay?
Kid: Agar woh kamini na de, to Pinki aunty se lay aana.


Why women live a better, longer & a peaceful life?
Because, women don't have a wife.


Postman: I have to come 5 miles to deliver u this packet.
Santa: Why did u come so far. Instead U could have
posted it.


A genuine reason for having two girlfriends at a time:
Monopoly is
always damaging & Competition improves service!


How do u identify a true music lover?
A man when hears a woman singing in the bathroom, puts
his ear to the keyhole instead of his eye!


Two goldfish in a bowl talking: Goldfish 1: Do you
believe in God?
Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think
changes the water?


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FUNNY : 7

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U luv sumone... u marry sumone else. The one u marry
becomes ur wife or husband & the one u loved becomes
the password of your emai id...!


Kudi waale pandit nu: Saanu aheja munda chahida jehra
kuj khanda penda na howe.
Pandit: Aheja munda taan PGI Emergency ward ch
hi mil sakda hai.


Ravan ki 20 aankhein thi magar nazar sirf ek aurat pe;
jab ki aapki 2 aankhein aur nazar har aurat pe...!
Toh asli Ravan kaun??


Ab tak meri life ek khuli botal thi, jis mein se sab
perfume ki tarah ud jata tha. Par aap ke aane se
sab kuch ruk gaya. Bhagwan kare aap jaisa
DHAKKAN sabko miley


Baniye ki wife bimaar thi, light na hone ki wajah se usne
candle jala di aur bola: Doc ko lene jaa raha hun, agar
tumhe lage ki tum nahin bachogi
to plz candle bujha dena


A boy goes to see a cabare dance. His mom gets angry
& asks him: Did u see anything there that u were not
supposed to see?
Boy: Yes, I saw dad.


A friend is: Who lends you...
Pen in School...


In French: Bon jour
In Spanish: Te Quiro
In Italian: Teamo
In Yugoslav: Volim Te
In English: Good Morning
In Punjabi: Uth Moya Kam te nahi jana?


Q: Why do all Afghans carry a piece of sandpaper?
A: Because they need a map.


An old to Doc: Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several
times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.
Doc: That's not senility. Senility is when you forget
o zip down.


Astrologer: U'll meet a young gal who wanna everything
about u.
Frog: When n where?
Astrologer: Next semester in Biology lab


Bahu: Maan ji, yeh abhi tak nahin aaye, kahin kisi dusri
ladki ke saath...
Saas: Arey kalmuhi, tu hamesha ulta kyun sochti hai?
Aisa bhi to ho sakta
hai ki kisi truck ke neeche aa gaya ho


Mom: Beti badi ho kar kya karogi?
Beti: Kuch nahin... Maan banungi, padhungi, shaadi
karungi... aur kya?
Mom: Jo karna hai karo par zara serial order mein
karna.


Teacher to class: A for?
Class: Apple
Teacher: Jor Se Bolo
Class: Jai Mata Di


Monday went on Tuesday 2 Wednesday and asked
Thursday whether Friday has told Saturday that
Sunday is a holiday. Have a Great Sunday...


Baba ji ka mela laga hai haridwar mein. Prashad mein
Recharge Coupon diye jayenge. Kisi aur ko mat batana.
Ye SMS sirf chuninda bhikhariyon
ko bheje ja raha hai


Kya hoga agar Pepsodent waale condom banaye to...??
Hona kya hai? Raat bhar Dishum, dishum...!


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FUNNY : 8

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If I ever go for a brain transplant I'd like 2 use ur
brain.It's not because u r a genius. I would only
like a brain that has never been used.


Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito to her mother.
Yes, but be aware, pay attention during the applause.


Q: Why do men fart more often than women?
A: Because women do not keep their mouth shut long
enough to build up the pressure.


Aftr robbing d Bank, robber 2 clerk: Did u see me
robbing?
Clerk: Yes.
Robber shot him dead & asked d next clerk: Did u?
2nd clerk: No, But my wife saw u!


Ladkiyan apna dupatta ladke k samne aane k baad hi
kyon theek karti hain?
Luteron ko dekh kar hi Daulat ki hifazat ka khayal
Aata hai!


Why are Egyptian Children always confused?
Because after death, their DADDY becomes a MUMMY.


Everything about you is perfect - your lips, your skin,
your eyes, your body. Perfect! You're lucky to be
born beautiful, not like me, who was
born to be a big liar.


First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you
forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to
unzip your fly.


Marry and make a woman happy OR remain a bachelor
and make several  women happy!


Do you believe that getting married on a Friday
brings bad luck ?
"Of course, why would Friday be an exception?"


A pregnant lady went to an astrologer.
Astrologer: When u deliver a baby, baby's father will die.
Lady: Thank god! My husband is safe!


At a party, someone yelled: All married guys plz stand
next to one person who has made ur life worth living.
The bartender was almost crushed to death.


Suraj ki pahli kiran aapko Khusi de... Dusri kiran hasi
de... Teesri tandurasti... Chouthi kamyabi... Bas ab aur
nahi garmi lagegi. Good Day.


Luk at the world as 1 big chocolate cake. It would
never b complete without few sweets n nuts. Sweet
like ME & nut like U.


Be careful when a guy tells u that he loves u from
the bottom of his heart for this may mean that there
is still enough space for another girl on top.


Like energy, love can neither be created nor destroyed.
It can just be transferred from one girlfriend to another
girlfriend.


Great people talk about ideas, average people talk abt
things, small people talk about others & legends never
talk, they send SMS.


The first half of our lives is spent ignoring our
parents' advice and the second half in trying to keep
our children from ignoring ours.


When u r down & no one is there, don't think of me.
When u r crying & no one is there then too don't just
think of me, call me up, my incoming is free.


Look at the world around u; u'll see God's creativity.
Look at thebreakfast table; u'll c God's providence. Look
at the mirror u'll c God's sense of humor.


A student writes a letter via telegram to his dad. It
goes... No fun, send mon, your son!
Dad write back saying...so sad, too bad, your dad!


U shud do two things in morning...Pray 2 God so u can
live and have a shower so others can live.


Q: If a devil catches your wife, what would you do?
A: You can do nothing. if devil has committed a mistake
let him face the consequences


What is the height of Flirting?
It's When your love letter starts with: TO
WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN


Kya hoga agar Pepsodent waale condom banaye to...??
Hona kya hai? Raat bhar Dishum, dishum...!


Gal: Is dress ka kya price hai?
Shopkeeper: Sirf 5 kiss.
Girl: Aur us dress ka?
Shopkeeper: 10 kiss.
Girl: Dono dress pack kar do, bill dadi dengi.


Ganguly's Son: Yeh Kya, Daddy Sixer pe Sixer maare
jaa rahe hain Hain?
Ganguly's Wife: Arey beta, yeh toh ADVERTISEMENT
Hai !


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FUNNY : 9

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What do u call a woman in heaven?
An Angel
A crowd of woman in heaven?
A host of Angels
And all woman in heaven?
PEACE ON EARTH!


Population slogan in Bihar: Hum Do Hamare Do,
Unke Baad Jitne Bhi Hon, Sabko Punjab aur
Haryana bhej do


Sharabi eyes donate karne gaya, Counter Clerk asks:
Kuch kehna chahte ho?
Sharabi: Jise lagao usse bata dena ye do peg ke
baad khulti hain.


A young man asks a kind priest: Father is it a sin to
sleep with a girl?
Father: No my child but the problem is that u guys
never sleep. 


Yaad mein tumhari mujhe loose motions lag gaye hain.
Hain to ye aanso per lagta hai raata bhatak gaye hain.


Can't believe that after all the shit that's happened
between them, 
they are still together.
Who?
Ur bums. 


Osama to Big B: How are you??
Big B: Bas Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham. And you?
Osama: Bas Kabhi Gola Kabhi Bum. 


Look at the ocean & see God's abundance! Look at the
sky & see God's glory! Look at the moon & see God's
wonder! Look at the mirror & see 
God's Blunder!


Q: What do you call a fat lady waiting for a bus?
A: A Moti-vaiting.


Sharab Ek Bimari hai jo pure samaj ko khatam kar deti
hai. To aao milkar is bimari ko khatam karen. Ek bottle
tum khatam karo ek bottle hum khatam karen.


Y does Waheeda Rehman never changes her saree in
the film GUIDE?Coz Dev Anand says: O mere
humrahi, meri baanh thame chalna, 
badle duniya SARI, tum na badalna. 


Gujju lover: Darling mere kaan me kuch halka sa,
kuch narm sa, Kuch
namkin sa, Kuch mitha sa kaho!
Premika: Dhokla.


Think big, think smart, think positive, think beautiful,
think great, I know this is too much for you,
so here is a shortcut... just think about ME!


Today, tommorow and yesterday there'll be one heart
that would always beat for you. You know Whose?
Your Own Stupid!


When u smile the world smiles with u. Wen u r down
people'll rally behind u but when u fart u r alone
coz people'll never stand by u!


This is not fair! How could u do this? Didn't expect
this from you!
Got a whole Channel on your name and didn't
even tell me?Animal Planet!


If u want success in life; be Sweet like Honey,
Regular like Clock, Fresh like Rose, Soft like Tissue,
Strong like Rock, Sure like Death & 
smart like ME.


Sometime my mind asks why I miss you? Why I care for
you? Why I remember you? Then my heart answers
it's simply because mental 
patient needs more care.


Q: What's the difference between gud & bad gals?
A: Gud gals loosen 
a few buttons when its hot, bad gals make it hot by
loosening a few buttons!

FUNNY : 10

What is the most proficient form of footwork
displayed by Indian batsmen?
The walk back to the pavilion.


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Someone has kidnapped the Indian cricket team and
demanded Rs 50 crore or else he would burn them
with kerosene. Please donate. 
I have already donated 25 litres.


Ek Gujju ka sapne mein kisi ne rape kar diya di.
Next day Gujju ne apna Bank acccount band karwa
diya kyon ki Bank mein likha tha:
Hum aap k Sapno ko Haqeeqat mein badal denge.


Amitabh: Mere pas Gaadi he, Banglaw hai, Bank
Balance hai, tumhare paas kya hai?
Shashi: Mere paas bhi Gaadi hai, Bunglaw hai,
Bank Balance hai...
Silence for few Minutes...
Amitabh: Abey to phir Maa kahana hai?


Q: What time is it when most people go to the dentist?
A: Tooth-Hurty!


Buffalo par baithe ek jaat koTRAFFIC police ne rok
k puchha: Aap ka helmet kahan hai? Fine lagega.
Jaat: Re baawale, dhayan se dekh Neeche, 4
wheeler hai !


Baap: Beta maine tere liye ek ladki dekhi hai, Vo
Roopvati, Gunvati, or Sarasvati hai.
Beta: Lekin papa mein kisi or se pyar karta hoon
or vo.. Garbhvati hai.


Gandhigiri ki safalta ke baad, pesh hai. Messagegiri
jisme aap msg kare ya na kare, ham msg bhejte
rahenge, kabhi to aapko sharm aayegi. 
Gud Day!


Height of Marwari Kanjusi: Looking for a second
Hand Tata Nano 
Car.......preferably with Gas Kit!!!


Hasi ke liye gam kurban, khushi ke liye aansoo kurban,
dost ke liye jan bhi kurban, agar dost ki girlfreind mil
jaye to saala dost bhi kurban.


Doctor to Lady: U r looking so weak and exhausted !
Are U properly taking 3 meals a day as I had advised ?
Lady: Oh my God ! I heard 3 Males per day !


Doctor, cut off my dog's tail.
Vet: Why do u want to do that?
Coz my mom-in-law is visiting us & I don't want
anything to make her think she's welcomed.


judge: U r crossing the limits.
Lawyer: Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai?
Judge: How dare you call me saala?
Lawyer: My Lod, I said kaun 'Sa Law' kehta hai? 


Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do.
Saheb: Kal aana.
Bhikhari: Saala is kal kal ke chakkar mein is colony
mein mere lakhon rupaye fase huye hain


Bhagwan apki umar lambi karey! Bhagwan apko Naukri
de! Bhagwan apko Khush rakhe! Bhagwan apko Barkat
de! Yaad ho gaya? Chal phir  Katora utha aur
shooru ho ja


Jodhpur jail ordered the purchase order of 999
shirts n 1000 pants for inmates. Guess y this
odd combination?
Salman Khan is coming


May our friendship turn into silver, silver into gold,
gold into diamonds... and may our diamonds be
forever... Then we'll sell it OK?
Fifty-Fifty 


Devdas's matrimonial ad- Wanted wife. Age no bar!
Height No bar! Luks no bar! Caste No Bar!
But gal's father shoul have his own Bar.


Generation Next Motto: Na hum shaadi karenge,
na apne bachchon ko karne denge.


FOOL se, FOOL ne, FOOLon ki FOOLwari me FOOL
ke sath wish kiya 
'You are the most beautiFOOL, colorFOOL &
wonderFOOL amongst 
all FOOLS




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FUNNY : 11

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Agar zindagi main kuch kar dikhana hai to kuch aisa
karo ki jis shaher, jis gali, jis mod se gujro wahan
ke har ghar se awaaz aaye, 
Papa aa gaye, Papa aa gaye!


Tum sada haste raho, sada muskurate raho, khush
raho, gun-gunate raho, hamesha mast raho. Mera kya
hai, log tumhe hi PAGAL kahenge!


Gud looks catch the eyes, but gud personality
catches the heart. You are blessed with both!
Flattered? Don't Be! It was sent to me, and I just
wanted you to read it.


There was a man who never romped or played. He
never smoked or drank, nor kissed a girl. And he passed
away, insurance was denied. Since he had never lived,
they claimed he never died. So live it up. CHEERS 




Once upon a time a guy asked a girl: Will you marry me?
She replied: No! 
And the guy lived happily ever after. 


Daily Prayer: O GOD, give us strength & capacity to
pay Income Tax, VAT, CST, Service Tax, Excise
Duty, Octroi, TDS, ESI, FBT, Prop.Tax, Stamp
Duty, CGT, Water Tax, Prof. Tax, Road Tax, Edu Cess,
Congestion Levy & many more. Besides don't forget
Gunda Hafta, Bribes, Donations, Chanda, Beggers
etc... If we have some time & money left 
after that, we will do some Business. Cheers to
Booming Indian Economy! Gud Day!


Behind every successful woman, there is a satisfied
men! But behind a satisfied woman, there is an
exhausted man...!!


All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned,
expensive or married to someone else!


There's a small gap between confidence and
over-confidence. You can kiss your girlfriend is
Confidence. Only you can kiss your 
girlfriend is Over-Confidence.


What would confuse a mentally challenged person?
Answer: A pineapple.
Confused...? I knew you would be!


How to catch a squirrel?
Climb up a tree and just be yourself. Squirrels will
come to you on  their own. Because they just
love NUTS !


A highly successful flirt was once asked: Which one
is ur best gf?
He replied: The next one!
Always aim high n continuously improve ur performance.


A Law Professor asks a Student: Which is the most
imp LAW of Finance for Starting a New Business?
The Student replies: Father-in-Law


A motorist hit a sparrow. He took d unconscious bird,
put in cage  with bread & water.
Bird wakes up, luks around & screams: Salakhen!
My God! I've killed the motorist.


M_rkh, St_pid, B_dh_, D_ffer, Bewak_f, Ghoch _,
_ll_, Bhondu_,  dekha... Everything is incomplete
without `U'


As u face a brand new day, bow ur head & say
this prayer: Thank u Lord for having this amazingly
gud luking sender. May his smartness
increases everyday.


A good friend comes 2 visit u in the hospital with
flowers n goes.
A True friend sits near u n says: O yaar,
nurse bahut sunder hai... 
aaram se theek hona!


Q: Where do Indian batsmen perform their best?
A: In advertisements.


Q: What is the Indian version of a hat-trick?
A: 3 runs in 3 balls.


Q: What is the height of optimism?
A: Sehwag coming out to bat applying sunscreen on
his face.


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FUNNY : 12

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A teenage boy to his father: Here's my report card
and a list I've  compiled of entrepreneurs who never
finished high school.


In order to get 100/100 in life, a man requires 100%
talent, whereas  a woman requires only 4% talent &
the remaining is only 36-24-36


Miss U Miss U sab kahein, par actually miss kare na koi.
Agar koi  kisiko miss kare to fir SMS band kyun hoye!


Indian Airlines slogan: A warm experience & motherly
treatment... warm b'coz AC doesn't work & motherly
because Air hostesses are above 50


Who is more satisfied, a man with a million dollars,
or a man with six children?
The man with six children. The man with a million
dollars wants more


A doting father used to sing his little children to
sleep until he overheard the four-year-old tell
the three year old, "If you 
pretend you're asleep, he stops."


A French in a hotel in NY, phoned room service
for some pepper.
Attendant: Black pepper or white pepper?
French: Toilette pepper!


Manmohan Singh: We are sending Indians to the
moon next year!
Bush: Wow! Howc many?
Manamohan: 25 OBC, 25 SC, 20 ST, 5 Handicapped,
5 Sports Persons, 5 Terrorist Affected, 5 Kashmiri
Migrants, 9 Politicians & if possible 1
Astronnaut


Girl's excuses: Phone mat kiya karo dear, mom hoti hai
near, papa se lagta hai fear, baat nahin hoti hai clear.
Isliye SMS kiya karo dear
 without fear n very clear


What's the definition of a skeleton?
A striptease that went just too far...


Naukrani: Malkin aap udaas kyon hain?
Malkin: Tumhare sahab apne office ki kisi ladki se
pyaar karte hai.
Naukrani: Nahin, sahab mujhe dhokha nahin de sakte


Train mein TT Sadhu se bola: Kahan jana hai?
Sadhu: Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha.
TT: Ticket hai?
Sadhu: Nahin
TT: Chalo
Sadhu: Kahan?
TT: Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha.. Jail mein 


Girl: If u'll try to kiss me, main shor macha doongi.
Boy: Lekin yahan to dur-dur tak koi nahin hai.
Girl: I know but formality to karni hi padegi..


The Madrasi said: I want to see the movie 'Heart is
umbrella'. 
Which movie did he really want to see?
Dil Chhata Hai.......


Geeta Sar: SMS kar aur bhool ja, reply ki apeksha mat
rakh, kiya hua SMS kabhi veyarth nahi jaata, Sabko
apne kiye hue SMS ka reply
milta hi hai!


Just close ur eyes and think of urself for 10 seconds
...... Open ur eyes !
Now you will realize that u have wasted 10 seconds
in thinking of a fool.


God made Pepsi, God made whisky, God made me so
sexy, God made rivers, God made lakes and God made
you... well everybody makes
mistakes. 


I saw u on road today. U were lukin so fine, ur face
so divine, ur  walk so perfect. My heart started singing
a sweet song: Who Let The Dog Out!


When words fail... eyes work,
when eyes fail... heart works,
and when heart fails... to kya?,
samajh le TAPAK gaya 'MAAMU'


The Japanese have produced a camera that has such
a fast shutter speed it can take a picture of a woman
with her mouth shut!


Geet Ka Saar: SMS woh gyaan hai jo baantne se badta
hai, isiliye he praani tu bill ka moh tyag de aur SMS
kar, isi se tera manushaya janm safal hoga.


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